


I Lost You

by superboetti



Category: DCI Banks
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-07-27 16:45:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 18,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7626271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superboetti/pseuds/superboetti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after the end of series 4. How does Alan cope with Annie's engagement to David?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Right, hello everybody! This is my first post on AO3! (I do post on FF.net too)   
> This is a DCI Banks story, I hope you enjoy it.

I Lost You

_by superboetti_

It was two weeks later. Two weeks after his heart had been ripped out and stamped on. He remembered it like it was yesterday, Annie is engaged to David Hornby. And he led her to Hornby, Annie gave him enough chances to stop her and tell her what he really thought. Why had he not said something sooner? Why did he only start fighting when he was 2:0 down already? He would have needed a bloody miracle to win that match.

The night of the engagement party he spend most of it in a dark corner of the pub away from everyone. Every time he saw David touching Annie he wanted to punch his lights out.

Later that night as he entered his home he couldn't hold it in any longer, the tears just started to fall. He got the biggest whiskey bottle he owned and didn't bother with a glass, it would only have slowed him down.

And now two weeks after the engagement Alan was still barely making it through the day without breaking into tears. The only thing that kept him more or less sane was the bottle of whiskey waiting for him at home.

* * *

 

Today is Tuesday and people were telling him about what a wonderful bank holiday weekend they had and he was sick and tired of it. All he did was sit at home, alone in his quiet house. Annie hadn't arrived yet, he needed to prepare himself mentally for whatever sickening thing her and David had been up to.

Suddenly there she was, with her soft blonde hair that he longed to run his fingers through, wearing her trademark black skinny jeans with a white blouse. God she is beautiful. Something happens though when she puts her purse on her desk.

"What's that on you finger, DS Cabbot?" Helen asks in her usual calm and controlling voice.

"Oh... erm... that's nothing." She tries to hide it, but Helen is quick and grabs her hand.

"That doesn't look like nothing to me, that looks like a wedding ring to me. What do you think, DS Blackstone?" She shows Ken Annie's hand.

"I'm only a DS, but I think you might be right DI Morton." Ken agreed looking at the ring.

"Oh will you just shut up! Yes, David and I got married."

* * *

 

There was something odd going on here, Ken had seen the signs himself. Something had changed with the boss, he wasn't himself anymore. Ken knew why he had changed, it had all started when Annie got engaged and just got worse when Annie announced her and David had gotten married. That was a month ago.

Since then Alan Banks had become someone Ken barely recognised. He only shaved every other day and some days his shirts were all wrinkled and smelt like he hadn't washed them in ages. Judging by the enormous bags under his eyes he hadn't had a proper nights sleep in a while either and very often he was the last to arrive in the morning in the office. The dead give away was his breath though, alcohol.

Ken doesn't know what to do at the moment, it's a very delicate situation. Something needs to be done though, he can't watch and do nothing for much longer.


	2. Chapter 2

It was fourteen days later when it all changed.

The day started normal enough, as soon as Ken got in that morning they got a call out to a major incident in the centre of Leeds. Helen drove them, Alan hadn't turned up yet. Ken tried calling him at home and on his mobile, but the boss didn't answer, so he left a message on his voicemail.

They got to the scene, a pub where the body of a young man had been found in the toilets. It was the usual organised chaos of police officers and the SOCO people running round doing their jobs. Ken quickly got busy and forgot all about the boss being absent.

“Has DCI Banks arrived yet?” Helen asks him two hours later. Ken was just about to put the evidence they had gathered into a box so they could take it back to the station.

“I haven't seen him.” He fished out his phone and looked at the screen. “He hasn't replied to my messages.” Ken started to worry now. “Give me your keys. I'll drive to his house, I'll call you when I get there.” He runs to the car and drives off.

* * *

 

When he arrives he sat in the car for a few minutes looking at the house. The door was closed and the boss' car was in its usual place. So far so good, he thought.

He got out and he tried the door, it was unlocked. The house was quiet. As he stepped into the kitchen/living room area he heard what could only be described as a lion growling at something. There he was lying on the sofa, snoring for England with a bottle of whiskey dangling from his hand. He reeked of alcohol. Ken could see dark stains on his shirt, so not all the whiskey had made into his mouth. He looked around the room, there was mess everywhere. Empty whiskey bottles filled up nearly all of the kitchen counters, dirty plates had been stacked on the table and there was a mountain of dirty laundry next to a door leading out of the kitchen. This was not good, he needed to call Helen. There was no way Alan could get sober enough to get to work today.

“Have you found him?” Helen answered on the first ring.

“Yes. He's ill though, must've caught the flu that's been going round.” He lied, it's always easier to lie on the phone.

“Ok. Are you coming back then? We need you.”

“I better stay here. The boss looks terrible. I'll see you tomorrow.” He hung up before Helen could say anything.

Ken sees the blanket on the other sofa and covers Alan with it. Then he locates black bin bags and starts to collect all the empty bottles. He knew he was in for long day.

* * *

 

It was about 5 hours later when Ken was turning the vacuum cleaner off that he saw movement under the blanket. He was prepared and had exactly what Alan needed, 20 minutes ago he had made some coffee knowing that the vacuum cleaner would wake him up.

He walked with the mug over to Alan and held it under his nose. That startled Alan enough to open his eyes and close them immediately the bright light intensifying his headache.

“What are you doing here, Ken?” He whispered while still keeping his eyes shut.

“We had a call out and we couldn't get a hold of you.”

“It's Sunday my day off.”

“No boss, it's Monday.”

“Shit” He was more alert now. He tried to sit up, but it still felt like Phil Collins was doing a drum solo in there. Ken offered him the mug of coffee again and Alan took it gratefully. “I'll be at the station in an hour. Thank you Ken.”

“I'm sorry, but you can't go. I told Helen you have the flu.”

“You had no right to do that.” He said his bloodshot eyes glaring up at Ken.

Ken couldn't take it anymore. “Well, I thought that was better than telling her I found you snoring on the sofa with a whiskey bottle as your mate. Or I could've told her you smell like Freddie the homeless guy down the street from my house. Or I could've told her you had a total of 3 big black bin bags of empty whiskey bottles in your house. But no, I thought telling her you have the flu sounded better!” By the end of Ken's rant he was shouting at Alan, the worry he had kept at bay for so long finally coming to the surface.

It seemed to have done the trick Alan looked embarrassed. “Just please, leave me alone.” He finally said.

“No can do, boss. I told Helen I would keep an eye on you.” Ken said calmly.

“I don't need looking after.” Alan tried again, glaring up at the Detective Sergeant.

“The state I found you in says otherwise.”

With a growl Alan stood up and marched up the stairs. Ken heard the door slam and the shower being turned on.


	3. Chapter 3

Earlier while Alan had been sleeping on the sofa, Ken had nipped out to get some groceries, the fridge had been completely empty. With Alan in the shower Ken started to make them some lunch, bacon and eggs sandwiches.

The confrontation had gone better that he thought, but then again Alan was still hung over. Ken hoped he could get through to his boss, this needed to stop.

The shower being turned off brought him out of his thoughts and he just about managed to rescue the bacon before it got burned.

“You're still here.”

“Yes” Ken just said and placed the plates on the table and he filled a glass of water for each of them.

Alan still glared at Ken, but took a seat anyway and started eating. Ken noticed that Alan's hands had started to shake, he was already going through withdrawel. It doesn't seem to bother him though, so he must've experienced the tremors before.

Alan finished his lunch quickly and downed the glass of water in two big gulps.

“Since I can't go to work and you have taken everything else fun away, what do you expect me to do all day?” He asked angrily.

“We could watch a film, read a book or we could talk.”

“Film it is then.” Alan decided. He knew Ken really wanted to talk, but there was no way Alan was going to do that.

Ken quickly cleaned up the plates and made them another cup of coffee. Alan meanwhile sat stubbornly on the sofa making no attempt what so ever at helping Ken.

He knew where Alan's DVD collection was. It wasn't really a collection, just 5 DVDs that had probably been a gift from someone who didn't know his boss that well. So Ken just took a random one.

About half way through he noticed Alan's hands were shaking again, worse then before. And as he looked at Alan's face he could see that his boss was sweating too.

“Here take these.” Ken offered two high strength paracetamol. There was one problem though, Alan's hands were shaking so badly that he couldn't hold the glass properly without spilling everything. Ken had to hold the glass for him and bring it to his lips.

“Please, I don't want you here Ken.” Alan pleaded.

“I can't leave you alone, you could get seriously hurt.” With a sigh Alan gave up and let his head fall back against the sofa.

After that not much was said between them. Ken focused on the film, while Alan just sat there staring into space shaking and sweating. He looked so tired.

“Why did she have to marry David?” Alan suddenly said.

“I don't know boss.” Alan looked startled when Ken answered, he hadn't meant to say it out loud. “I don't really like the guy. There's something dodgy about him, I can't quite put my finger on.” With a nod Alan looked back at the TV, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

Ken realised though that this could be his chance to get Alan to open up at bit. So he asked “What happened between the two of you? You looked really happy when you were together.” It wasn't just him who had wondered, everybody in the office had questioned what went wrong, but of course no one had the guts to actually ask Annie or even worse Alan.

He thought the subject was closed for good as the slighly uncomfortable silence stretched between them but then suddenly Alan said “I made the stupid mistake of telling her I needed more time to think. I told her I love her and then I said I needed more time, how pathetic is that?!” By now Alan was standing and shaking so badly that Ken feared he might need to steady him. “I let her walk right into David-bloody-Hornby's arms!” Tears had started to run down his cheeks now and he made no attempt to stop them, not that he could anyway with all the shaking.

Slowly Ken got to his feet and cautiously placed a hand on Alan's forearm. Alan crumpled at the touch, he collapsed back onto the sofa and started to sob. All the pent up anger, frustration and sadness that he could keep restrained with a bottle of whiskey finally slipped free.

“I'm gonna be sick.” Alan suddenly said. And Ken was prepared for this, nausea and vomitting were signs of withdrawel too, he had a bucket at hand.

* * *

 

The rest of the day they didn't talk much, but the air had been cleared between them. Ken made them spag-bol for dinner, thankfully Alan was no longer shaking all over so it made eating a lot easier. He had started to get very fidgity though, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't sit still. Alan tidied the kitchen after dinner, it gave the opportunity to move around. He had just turned the dishwasher on, when the sounds of Miles Davis suddenly filled the room. The music seemed to have a calming effect on Alan he felt like he could breathe a little easier. He took a seat on the sofa and wrapped the blanket around himself.

Of all the Miles Davis records he owned Ken had to pick that one. _The Man with the Horn_ had been a birthday present from Sandra. They had been very happy then. Living in a tiny flat in Brixton, the good bit not the dodgy end. Alan had been working for the Met for about a year and Sandra had been studying for her journalism degree 24/7. They got married as soon as Sandra finished Uni, Tracy was born a year later and they had to move into a proper house, a lovely semi detached house in Lewisham. 

Then two years later Alan got the chance of promotion to detective sergeant, but only if they moved to Yorkshire. Sandra had been furious when he had accepted without talking to her first, she didn't want to move, she was happy living in London. Something changed her mind though, that same month she found out she was pregnant again and reluctantly she agreed to the move. Seven months later Brian was born.

Ten years later they were still living in Yorkshire, but Alan got transferred to East Vale to work for the Major Crimes Unit. It was after that, that small cracks appeared in their marriage. Sandra had never been happy living in Yorkshire, she missed the buzz of London and all her friends were there. Because Alan's working hours, had at the time been very irregular, she was always stuck at home with the kids, getting more and more miserable each day. They were fighting a lot, sometimes even in front of the kids.

From that time on the marriage had been pretty much over, they were basically just living in the same house, actually Alan was more like a lodger in his own home. Every night he would come home only to work from his home office, he would often even spend the night in there. Deep down he knew he was working too much, but it felt like the right thing to do at the time.

Then when Tracy was 17 and Brian 14, he came home one night to find a letter from Sandra on the kitchen table saying that she was leaving him. They got divorced two years later and three months later Sandra got married again to photographer called Sean and as far he knows she is very happy.

The end of the record brought him back from his trip down memory lane. Ken was still there, was he ever going to leave?

“Why are you really here, Ken?” He wanted to know.

“Because you need my help. If there's one thing you've taught me, it's that you leave no man behind, we stick together as a team. And right now you are struggling, I wont leave you fending for yourself.”

With a nod as a thank you he stood up to pick another record, hopefully something that wouldn't make him remember what a sad life he is living. He picked a different Miles Davis record, this time a live recoring of one of his last concerts ever. Alan would be fine with this one, he had bought himself.

This is how they spend the rest of the night, playing one record after the other. Ken would usually just pick a random one, clearly he had no idea what he was doing. Whereas Alan always made sure the music wouldn't make him feel too sentimental.

Alan finally fell asleep at 4 am, his body had at last calmed down enough to let him get some rest. Ken watched him the whole time, he was grateful to finally get some rest himself.


	4. Chapter 4

When Alan wakes up, his headache is back with a vengeance. A look at the big clock on the wall tells him it's only 9 o'clock in the morning. Alan could hear the shower running upstairs, so Ken was still here.

His phone ringing does not help one bit with his bloody headache.

“Banks” He answered annoyed.

“Morning boss. Are you well enough to come to work today?” It was Helen.

“Yes” He just said and hung up. He really needed to go to work today, just the thought of sitting around and doing nothing again today was enough to kill him.

With new found energy Alan made breakfast and waited for Ken to finish in the bathroom.

“Helen called. We're needed at work.” He said as he sprinted up the stairs so Ken couldn't say no.

Alan showered in a hurry and put on the last clean suit he owned. He needed to go the dry cleaner's before work. Ken was still eating when Alan came into the kitchen. After putting all his dirty suits in a bag they left the house and headed for work.

* * *

 

Alan arrived before Ken, even though he stopped at the dry cleaner's, Ken had always been a very cautious driver. Finally 5 minutes later Ken arrived, he parked right next to Alan. They walked to the entrance together, just before Alan pulled the door open he turned towards Ken and said “Thank you, for everything. I owe you one.”

There was the usual buzz in the office. People running around from one desk to the other, a bit like headless chickens. After Alan had hung up his coat he took a seat at his desk, it was overflowing with files as if he was just coming back from a two week holiday. He looked at them in degust, this is not how he wants to spend his day, doing paperwork. Then he remembered the case, he jumped out of his chair and nearly ran to Helen's desk, the paperwork temporarily forgotten.

“Tell me about the case, Helen?” He almost demanded.

“Textbook stabbing, nothing fancy. Taylor Harris and Michael White went to the pub together and met Scarlett King. A lot of pints later they argue over who gets to walk her home. And what started as a fistfight ended when White used his penknife.” All the while she told him she hadn't moved her eyes from her computer screen.

“Confession?”

“All typed up and ready on your desk, you just need to sign it. Evidence and witness statements in the box over there.” She pointed in the general direction of the empty tables behind him. Finally she looked up at him “Are you sure you're ok? You look very pale, well paler than usual.”

“Yes, I'm fine Helen. Thank you and good work.”

He glanced over to Annie's desk, she had her back to him typing away on her keyboard. To her right he noticed something new. There was a new picture Isla, she was being lifted high up in the air by a laughing David Hornby. The happiness of father and daughter was plain to see, he hated that.

With a sigh went back to his office and shut the door, putting as much space as possible between him and that sickening picture.

The paperwork was still there, knowing that it would only get worse tomorrow he got to work.

At about one o'clock there was a knock on the door followed by it being opened. It was Ken carrying a take away container and a bottle of water.

“Got you a kebab, apparently you should eat lots of junk food when you're feeling poorly. Annie's words not mine.” He smiled. “And I also got you these.” He placed a packet of strong headache tablets on his desk. “Paperwork always gives me a headache.”

Before Alan could get his wallet out or thank him Ken had already left his office shutting the door quietly behind him. Why was Ken still being so considerate?

* * *

 

It took him a further 5 hours to get through the paperwork and by the end of it he was shattered. He didn't have a headache though, the tablets were doing their trick. The whole time he had been in his office people had left him alone, even Ken.

Now though he had to get out, he needed to get home. That would mean he had to walk past all those desks. There was really only one desk he wanted to avoid, Annie's. The last two weeks walking past that desk had become very difficult. Annie had put her wedding picture right at the end of her desk, and for the last two weeks it had been the last thing he would see before leaving the office for the day. And today was no exception, it was still there. He always hurried out of the building after seeing that picture. The first time he saw it he had nearly been sick. Now he had gotten to the stage where he just took a deep cleansing breath as soon as he was outside.

Ken was waiting for him at his car.

“I know you don't want to see the sight of me at the moment, but I am going to say this anyway.” Dear God, he was going to give Alan a lecture. “I'm not going to follow you around, don't worry. I've got better things to do than stalking you and I'm not sure I can handle another night listening to your God-awful music.” Alan laughed at that and relaxed a bit. “Can you please promise me that you wont get drunk, when you get home.”

Alan nodded, he had no intention of even touching the stuff for a while. “After I've picked up my dry cleaning I'm going to drive straight home and fall into bed. I'm shattered.”

And that is exactly what Alan did. The dry cleaner had nearly finished all of his suits, after all 12 suits were a big order, so Alan took the ones that had been cleaned home. As soon as he got home he had a long and relaxing shower, after that he texted Ken telling him that he was fine and then he went to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

The next few days pass a bit like a blur for Alan. He hadn't had a drink in four days now. Oh yes, he had been tempted a few times. Actually, he had been tempted more than just a few times.

Every morning he would wake up with an intense headache that would gradually go away during the day. So the only way he could make it through the day, was by drinking at least four cups of coffee before 11 o'clock.

Ken had been there a lot for Alan and he was grateful for all the help, although he would never admit that to him. Everyday Ken would make sure that Alan had something for lunch and there was always a cup of coffee waiting for him on his desk in the morning.

Today though had been a hard day, not just for Alan the whole team had had a tough day. They got a call out to a suspicious death of a very young child, a two year old boy. The death of kids were always difficult to deal with. They always stay with you a long time.

The boy had been found in his parents bedroom suffocated to death, the mother was lying next to her son, dead too, with a bottle of sleeping pills in her hand. The father had found them.

After checking every possible angle and double checking every piece of information they had, they could only come to one conclusion. They had early on found out that the mother was suffering from severe depression, but was on medication that seemed to be working. After the post mortem it turned out though, that she hadn't been taking her medication for a while, so the mother was a ticking time bomb. While the father had been away on business she obviously couldn't cope on her own with the child.

She had killed her son by putting a pillow over his face and then she had swallowed all of her prescribtion sleeping pills, taking her own life.

Telling the father had been the most difficult thing Alan ever had to do. There was no one to blame, no deranged killer running round somewhere. For the rest of his life the father had to live with the fact that he left his mentally ill wife in sole charge of their son. Alan was close to tears himself as he finished telling the father what had happened.

For the rest of the day the office had been very quiet. Everybody just did their work so they could get home as soon as possible. Some were even going to the pub, obviously Alan couldn't join them even though he really wanted to. Instead he would have to go home to an empty house and no bottle of whiskey to escape into, this was not going to be an easy night.

* * *

 

When he got home, there was no one to welcome him. The house was dark and cold. Normally it didn't bother him that much, he usually liked the quiet sanctuary his home had become, but now it felt cold and lonely. And again he couldn't drown his feelings with a bottle of whiskey. Not even music worked as a welcome destraction anymore. Over the years he had developed the habit of listening to music with a glass of whiskey after a tough case. Of course he couldn't do that tonight. What was he going to do?

All his usual escape routes did involve a bottle of whiskey. How long had he been so dependant on the whiskey? That was when Alan realised that Annie getting together with David was just what pushed him over the edge, he had been standing near it for a long time.

This was all becoming too much for him, he had no idea what to do. His heart suddenly started to beat faster, he could feel sweat running down his back and his breathing was out of control.

Alan had seen these symptoms before, usually after giving relatives the bad news of losing a loved one. Panic attack, pure and simple.

The first thing he needed to do was get his breathing under control. It took a bit of time, but eventually Alan didn't feel like he was running a marathon anymore.

He didn't want to be alone tonight and there was only one person he could think of. Ken. With shaking hands he dialled the number.

* * *

 

Ken saw Alan pacing outside in front of his car with his keys in his hand, he hadn't even noticed that Ken was here already.

He walked calmly towards Alan and stopped right in front of him. Alan startled to a halt and what Ken only could describe as relief, he threw the car keys at Ken.

“Thank you. I didn't keep you from anything, did I?”

“No no, I was just about to decide what to get for dinner.” Ken assured him.

An hour later after the two men had dinner together, they sat on the sofas. Ken wanted to know why Alan had called him, but it was important that Alan started the conversation. He didn't have to wait long.

“You know what I realised today?” He didn't wait for Ken to answer. “Alcohol has always been a big part of my life, Annie marrying David was just the final push. I was still surprised though, how did I not see it before? Maybe if I hadn't made whiskey my comfort blanket, I could've handled this whole mess with Annie much better.”

“Most times we only see what we want to see. And you shouldn't think about all the maybes and the what ifs, that can be very dangerous.”

He knew that all too well. The amount of time parents of lost children spend in this hopeful world of what ifs was after a while not a nice place to be stuck in. And it was very difficult to get out of.

“I know. I just want to get over her. I've never felt like this before, actually feeling physically ill whenever I see them together or by just glimpsing at those pictures on her desk.” He took a deep breath, tears were gathering in his eyes. “I want to let her go, I know she is happy with David and that's all I ever wanted. Why can't I get over her?” The tears were running down his cheeks now, he didn't care, that Ken was witnessing it all. He had already seen Alan at his worse.

“Because you love her, boss.”

“I told her, you know? That night at the pub. I told her I wanted to marry her and be a family. I was too late though, she was already wearing the ring.”

Ken looked up in surprise, that was news to him. “I'm sorry.” Was all he could say.

“Why are you still helping me? Tell me the truth this time, I have a feeling that it's not just because you want to help. I think you've had experience with this.” It had been nagging him for a while now. No one, apart from spouses or family members, were that helpful and understanding.

“It's ok, you don't have to tell me. I just wondered, that's all.” Alan said to put him at ease.

“No it's ok. You have a right to know. I was married once. Sweet girl, her name was Sarah we were High School sweethearts. Married her two years later after finishing Uni. I only went there because she did, barely got a degree. Anyway, after a year of doing nearly every job you can think of, I joined the police. Two years after that I joined the paedophile unit, it's a very tough unit to work in.” Alan knew that, not many people last longer than two years in the team. “Drinking became my way of coping with the stress. Sarah left me 6 months later saying she did not recognise me anymore. After that my drinking got out of control, instead of water bottles in my desk drawers, I had a bottle of vodka stashed in there. I finally got to the point where it became too much and I asked to be transffered to the major crimes unit. And now I can limit myself to one pint, but only when I'm out I don't drink at home.”

Alan was amazed, he had no idea Ken had struggled so much with the drink. He realised they had a lot in common.

“So how did you get to that point where you can limit yourself to just one drink?” Alan needed all the advice he could get.

“Distraction is the biggest help. Get a new hobby, specially now that all your routines do involve alcohol in some form. Loneliness can also be very dangerous, maybe you could spend more time with Tracy...”

Alan shook his head vehemently “I don't want her to see me like this, she's been through enough already.”

“Ok,” Ken understood. “how about getting a pet then? They don't judge, they just expect you to feed them.”

“Do you have any pets?”

“No, I'm allergic to anything with fur on it. I had some fish once, they all died though. I hadn't done enough research behind the science of it all. I just thought you needed to feed them once a day, but apparently you need to watch the temperatur of the tank as well.”

Alan nodded but couldn't keep the amused little grin off his face. “We had a cat once, Fluffy. I was never allowed to touch her though, she'd scratch my eyes out. I begged Dad to get a kitten once, but of course that never happened. And Sandra was allergic too.”

“What about a new hobby?”

“I don't know Ken. When would I get the time for anything like that?”

“You could join me on Sunday, I'm going to a local football match.”

He told Ken he'd think about it. Sunday was his day off though so he should be able to make it. It was certainly better than sitting at home and do nothing, his original plan.

Ken left shortly after that. Alan promised him he wouldn't do anything stupid. He just wanted to put this day behind him. He stumbled into bed and fell asleep without a problem.


	6. Chapter 6

Today is Sunday. His first day off in ages. It was also the first morning he woke up without having a headache. That was a wonderful feeling, he felt more energised because of it.

He then remembered the football match Ken had invited him to. He looked around the house, trying to find something better to do, not coming up with anything he decided he might as well go.

Alan found the place without a problem. There was not much to speak of, it was basically just a field with a goal at each end. Thankfully the weather looked alright at the moment, there were even some holes in the clouds so the sun could poke through. Alan had brought an umbrella just in case though.

Ken wasn't there yet, the only people dressed in non-football kits were two women. On the pitch the teams were going through their warm up routine. Alan stood near the centre line and watched the teams as he waited for Ken.

When the ref blew the whistle for the match to begin and Ken still hadn't turned up yet, Alan started to get concerned. Then there was some shouting that really surprised him.

“Well done, Ken!” Several players on the blue team shouted.

Alan looked in the same direction as the rest of the blue team and couldn't believe what he was seeing. Ken hadn't been late, he was on the bloody pitch!

He soon discovered that Ken was a pretty decent football player. His position was on the right wing. For a man in his 40s he was still pretty fast and his delivery into the box was excellent. Alan watched in fascination as Ken kicked one long ball after another, it was very entertaining. Half way through the second half Ken got substituted, so Alan walked over to him.

“Nice knees.” He said when he was right behind Ken.

He jumped in fright and then chuckled when he saw who it was. “Very funny, boss. Thank you for coming.”

They watched the rest of the match in silence. By the end of it Ken's team had won 3-2. Alan invited Ken to the Indian restaurant he passed earlier, but only if he had a shower first.

* * *

 

45 minutes later, after Ken had rushed home to shower, they sat in the nearly empty restaurant. Alan had ordered his usual chicken madras while Ken had ordered prawn vindaloo curry. Both of them had a pint glass of coke in front of them.

“You didn't mention you were in one of the teams when you invited me.” “Alan said with a sneeky smile.

“It's nice to keep you guessing.”

“So this is your destraction?” Ken nodded. “That's great. When did you join?”

“After I left the paedophile unit. There was so much anger inside me and this is a brilliant way to get rid if it. It's great, I met new people and even made some friends.”

Alan felt there was more to the story, but of course right at this moment the waitress put their plates in front of them. And the men turned their attention towards the food. It was excellent. Alan's chicken was the best he had ever tasted, everything was made fresh and he could tell the naan bread was home made and fresh out of the oven. He finished his in record time and was tempted to ask for a second portion. Ken enjoyed his too, for once he finished before Alan.

“You were saying about the team?” Alan wanted to pick up where they left off.

“Right. It was the only way out for me. The team is something special, we look out for each other. We all have something in common, we're all recovering from addictions, not just alcohol. We've got junkies, gamblers and even one shopping addict.”

Alan smiled, but he could tell where this was going. Ken was going to ask him to join.

And sure enough, 3 seconds later “We train every Thursday evening and have a match twice a month. There's always room for new players.”

“I don't know Ken.” He signalled the waitress that he wanted the check.

After Alan had paid they left the restaurant and walked back to the pitch, where they had parked their cars.

Just before Ken got into his car Alan said “I'll come to one session on Thursday, but I won't promise anything more.”

Ken smiled and impulsively shook Alan's hand “Thank you! See you tomorrow!” And with that he drove off.

* * *

 

That night, after he had finished his dinner, Alan was up in the attic. There were boxes everywhere, nothing was in order and most them had no label on them. It felt like he had been up here forever. If he opened one more box of Tracy's old toys he was going to burn everything. When had he become such a hoarder? Why did he still keep all this stuff?

“Victory!” He suddenly shouted. After opening about twenty boxes he had finally found what he been looking for.

The football boots had seen better days, but they should still fit. Under the boots and in slightly better condition were his goalkeeper gloves. If he was going to that session he might as well dress the part.


	7. Chapter 7

On Thursday both Ken and Alan left work at precisely 5 o'clock. Helen looked at them a bit funny. She had noticed that the two were spending more time together. And today they left with bigger bags at the same time, very suspicious indeed. But _don't ask, don't tell_ was very much the norm in cases like this. She just hoped Ken knew what he was in for, Alan was still very much in love with Annie.

* * *

 

Alan, of course, arrived before Ken and had to wait quite a while before Ken's car stopped right next to Alan's.

“Sorry,” He said as he stepped out of his car. “I had to stop at the bakery. It's my turn to bring the cakes. Man of the Match always gets the honour.” Alan nodded in amused understanding.

He helped Ken carry the three boxes of pastry and the big hold all bag with all the kit in it. They carried it to a small building the size of a garage, it turned out to be the chaning rooms. It was all dark and empty, apparently as Man of the Match you also had to be first for the session to unlock everything and make the tea.

30 minutes later they were ready to start the session. Alan had met nearly every one on the team. Everybody was friendly and no one asked why he was here and what made him eligible to be part of the team.

Some of the members had told him what they were suffering from. There were quite a lot of alcoholics in the team, actually nearly all the older members were all recovering alcoholics. All the younger once were junkies, Alan had seen a lot of them in his career.

“Alright lads, listen up!” Michael said. He was the coach and the founder of the team. He was in his mid 50s, wearing a too tight fitting tracksuit over his beer belly. Ken had told him that Michael used to be a big fish in the football world, but vanished suddenly. Ken reckoned the beer belly had something to with it. And it would make sense why he founded the team in the first place. Michael's talking brought him out of his thoughts.

“Well deserved win this weekend, seems like we've found the combination that works for us. Or we're just extremely lucky.” Some men chuckled at that, but mainly there was a lot of eye rolling. “And I see a new face in the mix,” Everybody turned towards Alan making him feel a little uncomfortbale. “tell us a little about yourself.”

“I'm Alan, Ken and I work together and the last time I played Arsenal won the league, so please be gentle with me.” There was laughter after his short introduction.

“What position did you play?” Michael wanted to know.

Alan held up his gloves, surprising a lot of people including Ken.

“Yes!” The guy directly opposite Alan said and he looked relieved.

“Thomas was forced to step in goal when our other keeper moved out of the area.” Ken explained.

“Alright then, lets see how rusty you are!” Michael shouted setting every one in motion.

And so the session started. Alan hadn't done such hard physical excersise in a long while. The last time he'd been on a team he had still been working for the Met. They had played in the police league and had not been too bad, once even reaching the final where they narrowly lost to the Birmingham police force. He stopped playing after him and Sandra moved to Yorkshire.

During the session he realised how much he had been missing the sport.

He had always liked the position of the goalkeeper. There was something very exciting about being the last person to stop the other team from scoring. A lot of responsibility lay on your shoulders in this position and he had always liked that feeling.

Most boys wanted to be the next Cristiano Ronaldo or Wayne Rooney, but when Alan was a boy all he dreamt about being was Peter Shilton. He played for Leicester and made some incredible saves during the cup run, specially against Arsenal in 1971. He remebered sitting in front of the tele and seeing Peter Shilton flying through the air to catch the ball. And from that time on he had been fascinated by the art of goalkeeping.

Turned out Alan was a bit rusty, but some of his moves were still spot on. After a while he started to get more comfortable and he started to think less of where the ball might go. Instinct had kicked in.

By the end of the session Alan was completely drenched in sweat, his lungs were burning and his hands were strawberry red. But he felt happy, there was no feeling of sadness and for the first time in 6 weeks he didn't feel like having a drink. Right now he just wanted to have a hot shower and fall into his bed, he was beyond shattered.

“So are we going to see you again next Thursday?” Ken asked as they were eating cakes and drinking tea.

“I don't know yet. Let me think about it.” He teases. Ken's face fell a bit, totally falling for it. Alan drinks the rest of his tea and heads for the shower.

Later when they head for their cars, Alan had helped Ken tidy everything away, another perk of the Man of the Match title, now they were finally ready to head for home.

Just before Ken was about to enter his car Alan said “Can you recommend any good football boots?” Ken smiled and drove away.


	8. Chapter 8

Two weeks later, a month without having a drink. A month since Ken found him hitting rock bottom. And it had been two months since Annie's wedding anouncement. The picture was still there and there had been some additions. She looked so happy in all of them and Isla had grown so much, there was one picture of her walking into David's arms. Every time he looked at those pictures it felt like a little piece of his heart was breaking off, slowly but surely he was running out of pieces.

There had even been some tears, or actually sobbing. Specially on those days Annie was in a good mood and he knew David was the cause of it. Those were the days he wished he still drank. Kicking the habit was the only thing worth fighting for and the only thing that kept him going at the moment. Even joining the football team only seemed to work as a temporary distraction.

He should feel proud, a month without a drink is quite an accomplishment, but it didn't feel like it. Maybe he was missing something?

* * *

 

Alan stopped the car as soon as he saw his house. All the lights downstairs were on. He was sure he hadn't left it on, someone was in his house.

Slowly he drove up the rest of the drive way and waited for a few minutes, hoping that whoever was in there would panic and run away. But nothing happened, the lights remained on.

The front door was unlocked. Quietly and slowly he entered the house. He could hear what sounded like sizzling noises as if someone was cooking in his kitchen.

Finally he stepped into the kitchen and breathed a huge sigh of relief, it was Tracy and she was cooking.

“Tracy?”

She spun around startled nearly dropping the pan she was holding in her hand. “God Dad, you scared me?”

“Sorry. What are you doing here?” He knew why she was here. She had tried to get a hold of him in the last few days, but Alan was not quite ready to talk to her yet.

“I have been trying to reach you, but you never answer your phone. Why haven't you answered my calls?” She asked her voice rising a bit, not in anger though, but in worry.

“Yeah, I've been meaning to call back, but I've been very busy.” He lied and didn't like it one bit. Lying to his daughter made him feel very uncomfortable. “Sorry” He said again.

Tracy shot him a frosty glare, clearly not believing him. She went back to preparing the dinner. She had been frying bacon. As Alan looked at the ingredients sitting on the surface cream, eggs and spaghetti. Spaghetti carbonara, Alan's favourite. Shit, now he felt even worse for lying.

“I'm going to change.” He didn't receive an answer and he didn't expect one anyway.

He changed into something more comfortable, his favourite dark blue jeans with a red polo shirt. As he washed his face in cold water it dawned on him that he would have to tell Tracy at some point, but did it have to be today?

* * *

 

After eating the most uncomfortable and awkward dinner ever, Alan was tidying the kitchen and Tracy was unpacking her bags. He would have to tell her sooner than later, but it still felt like it was too soon.

Alan could hear movement on the stairs and the way she was trampling down them she was in the mood to fight. He was in for a long night.

When she stepped into the kitchen Alan could see just how angry she was. Sandra had looked at him just like that the last few years of their marriage. Oh boy, he thought.

“Lets try this again, shall we?” She said in that frosty tone most men feared and Alan was no exception. “Why haven't you answered any of my calls?”

“I told you. I was busy.” Alan knew it was a mistake, he shouldn't have said that.

“That's bullshit and you know it!” By now her voice was starting to rise. “Have I done something to upset you?” Now her voice was confused.

“No, we're fine. I have just been very busy.” He said again, he still didn't know why he kept lying, surely it was better if he told her the truth.

“Will you please stop lying, Dad!” She finally shouted and Alan couldn't blame her. “You've always answered before, even when you're really busy.” There was that confused tone again. Alan looked at the floor sheepishly.

“I need a drink.” She said with a sigh and headed for the wine glasses in the cabinet above the sink.

This was spinning out of control fast, she wouldn't find any alcohol anywhere. Ken had helped a few weeks ago to pour every single bottle he had down the sink.

He looked on as Tracy opened the cabinet that usually held the wine bottles, but was empty of course. He heard a muttered “what the hell?” and she started opening all the other cabinets. Each time she came up empty, she would slam the door shut forcefully.

“Alright, I give up! Where's the wine?”

Alan didn't answer, just kept his head down. He knew that if he looked at her now he would crack.

“You know what, Dad?” She said that last part very sarcastically. “If this is how you're going to be, I might as well leave. Don't call me.” With that she stormed up the stairs to get her bags. A few minutes later she was back and slammed the front door shut. He could hear her walking on the gravel, surely she was not thinking of walking home in the dark?

Then about 10 minutes later he heard a car driving up the drive way, when he looked out the window he saw a cab. She was really leaving.

She's really leaving. Suddenly Alan gets up and rushed to the door, she was really leaving. She was just about to enter the cab when Alan reached her.

“Don't go, please.” He begged.

“Dad, you have to talk to me. I want to know what's going on with you.”

“And I will. Just please, don't go.”

With a nod and a tiny smile Tracy got her bags out of the cab and shut the door again. “Sorry, I changed my mind.” She said to the driver.

“Oh, that's just great! Drove out here for nothing! Do you have any idea-”

“Alright alright calm down.” Alan cut the driver off and gave him a £20 note. He ripped it out of Alan's hand and drove away.

* * *

 

They sat on the sofas, both with a cup of tea. Alan knew Tracy was waiting for him to talk. There was really no point in delaying it any further so he took a deep breath and started from the beginning.

“Annie got engaged about two months ago...” He told her everything, he left nothing out. She deserved nothing but the truth. Near the end of his tale Tracy had tears in her eyes and looked so lost and worried. Had he told her too much? “So here I am two months later stone cold sober. I'm sorry I haven't answered you calls. I just didn't want you to worry and no daughter should see their father drown in a bottle of whiskey every day.”

“Dad...” She whispered and got up from the sofa and brought her arms around him and embraced him tightly. It felt good to have someone touch him. He hadn't realised how much he had missed that. “Thank you for telling me.” She whispered again and kissed his cheek.


	9. Chapter 9

When Alan woke up the next morning, he could hear Tracy moving around in the kitchen. With a smile he thought back to yesterday night, for the first time he felt he had a true connection with his daughter. They had never been close before, Alan had been too focused on work. After yesterday though, he wanted to make an effort and get to know his daughter better.

After having a shower and a shave Alan joined Tracy in the kitchen. He was dressed in casual clothing, the same jeans as yesterday but this time with a blue polo shirt.

Tracy had made breakfast scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, coffee for Alan and freshly squeezed orange juice for Tracy.

“There was a reason I came here, other than to find out if you were ok.” She said after they had taken a seat at the table. “You know that I've been trying to sort out my life and I think I finally have.”

She put a piece of paper in front of him.

Nervously he picked it up and started to read it out loud “Congratulations Ms. Banks you have been excepted to the School of Veterinary Medicine University of Nottingham-” Alan looked up at his daughter in surprise, Tracy was beaming back at him he had never seen her so happy. “Wow... congratulations Tracy.”

“Isn't it great!?”

“Yeah, it's amazing.” Alan smiled. He was delighted. He had been worried when Tracy dropped out of Uni and moved to Leeds to work behind a bar. By the looks of it though he needn't have worried. She really had been doing some soul searching to find her true calling. She deserved a lot more credit than he had been giving her.

“So what made you decide you wanted to become a vet?”

“I've been doing a lot of volunteer work for an animal shelter. You wouldn't believe how some people treat their pets!” Alan could believe it, he saw on a daily basis how humans treat humans so why should it be any different for animals. “I would usually drive the animals to the nearby vet and watch how they'd help the poor thing. And that's when it clicked, if I could do this for the rest of my life, how amazing would that be!”

“That's great Trace. I'm really happy for you.” And he meant it.

* * *

 

Alan didn't go to work that day. Tracy was more important. He had ignored her long enough. Alan had phoned Ken and told him what was going on and proudly told him Tracy was going to become a vet. Ken had told the whole team and Alan could hear the cheering in the background.

Father and daughter spend the day together. They played boardgames and talked a lot, she beat him at Scrabble and they talked more about what had been going on with Alan recently.

“Have you told your mother?” He asked as they were eating dinner. Alan had cooked this time. Roast chicken, roast potatoes and vegetables. Tracy's favourite.

“No” She mumbled and chased the potatoes round with her fork.

“Why? Surely she needs to know.”

“She doesn't care.”

“What do you mean? Of course she does.”

“No Dad, she doesn't. I haven't spoken to her since moving back to Leeds.” She said. Alan couldn't believe it, Sandra had always made sure to point out, that she was the only one who cared about their children.

“Have you tied calling her?”

“Sure. I tried to get in touch after that mess with Jaff, but she was too busy.” She sneered.

Alan dropped the subject and they enjoyed the rest of their dinner.

* * *

 

“Have you talked to your brother recently?” Alan asked as they were once again on the sofas, with a cup of tea and the Scrabble board all ready set up to play.

“Yeah, talked to him last week, he's on tour in Scandinavia.” Brian was in a band called The Blue Lamps. Recently they had become quite well known in Sweden after some of their songs had been used in a TV program. “Hang on, he asked me to give you something. Don't look at my tiles!” She hurried up the stairs and came back down again in a flash. She gave him a CD. “Their new record. It will be released next month.”

Alan smiled he was immensely proud of Brian. After dropping out of his architect courses he had followed his dream and made music his profession.

“Does mum know?”

“Yeah right...” Sandra had thrown a fit when Brian left University to follow his dream, they hadn't spoken a word ever since. Alan tried to make Sandra see reason, but she always had to be right and apparently playing keyboard in a band was not a proper profession.

“Is he ok? I haven't spoken to him in a while.”

“Yeah. Open the booklet, take a look at the acknowledments.” Tracy smiled and looked at her letters getting her first word ready.

The acknowledments were on the last page of the booklet. It looked like each member of the band had put a few words of thank yous together. When he reached Brian's name it said:

_This is for my Dad, who told me to follow my heart_

Alan looked at Tracy, she was still looking at her tiles, but there was a grin on her face.

* * *

Later that evening after Tracy had gone to bed, Alan was alone and could finally contemplate everything that had happened yesterday and today.

He still couldn't believe Brian had dedicated the new album to him. He _had_ told Brian to follow his heart. It was just after he had told Alan, that he was dropping out of University to be a musician. He remembered sitting on the sofa with a beer in his hand and telling Brian, that if he felt, in his heart, that he was doing the right thing, then he couldn't be prouder. And Brian had followed his advice. Alan's very proud of his son. He stood up and put the album in the CD player.

This was the first time he listened to music without having the feeling that he needed a drink. It was a great feeling.

 

The next morning Tracy left early, she had to get home to get ready for work. Alan had to promise her, that he would speak to her every week. Just before she left she gave him the business card of the animal shelter she volunteers for, saying that they had plenty of pets, who needed a home.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Four weeks later Alan finally had the weekend off and time to check out the animal shelter. He had talked to Tracy about what pet would suit him, she did recommend a cat. Alan agreed, it would be the best option. Any pet of his would have to able to spend a lot of its time on its own. So a cat would be perfect. He was actually looking forward to getting a pet.

The shelter turned out to be quite big, Alan had expected it to be tiny and dirty, but it was an old manor house and it looked very welcoming. Tracy was waiting for him by the stairs, she looked very excited.

Tracy gave him a tour of the whole shelter, they started on the top floor. Right under the roof they housed all the snakes, lizards and even spiders. She didn't show him much on this floor she didn't like working with these animals, so she only went up here if she had to.

On the next floor down Tracy showed him all the hamsters, rats and guinea pigs. When they entered the guinea pig area they were assaulted by loud squeeking, Alan had to actually cover his ears. The noise stopped when Tracy gave them some food. “This is a good place to come to in the morning, really wakes you up.” She told him as they were leaving the area.

They had reached the ground floor now. “On the left we keep the dogs, but I know you're not a big fan. So lets just go to the cats.” Tracy was right, he had never liked dogs. It had probably something to do with his Grannie's terrier who bit Alan when he was 9, since then he had always been a bit suspicious about dogs.

Alan followed Tracy along a corridor, at the end of it there was a door and on this door there was a sign, in blue letters is said _kittens_. “You ready?” Tracy asked. With a sigh and a nod Alan followed Tracy into the room.

It was a big room, twice the size of his living room. In each corner there were lots of platforms and shelves the kittens could jump onto. The room itself was painted in a friendly green and white tiles on the floor. As soon as Tracy opened the door they were immidiatly attacked by three kittens.

“Don't get too distracted by those three, they always attack you first. They are just very curious.” She said.

Alan let them smell him and after a while they went back to the corners they came from.

There was one kitten that had slowly worked its way closer to Alan, it was a ginger tabby. “It's the first time I've seen this one so close to anyone, she hasn't allowed us to touch her yet.” Tracy explained and watched fascinated as the ginger tabby first took a sniff of Alan's hand and then rubbed its face against his fingers.

“Seems alright to me.” Alan said and picked up the kitten. It purred immidiatly and made itself at home in his arms.

“I guess she was just waiting for the right person.” Tracy tried to get closer to Alan, but when she got a bit too close the kitten's purring turned to growling.

“Shh, it's alright.” He tried to calm the kitten. “What's her story?”

“She was found with 8 other kittens in a box near the motorway. She was the youngest in the bunch, three weeks old.”

Instinctively Alan held the kitten closer, protectively, when he heard what a hard start to life the kitten had. “And how old is she now?”

“Three months.” Tracy noticed her father was more realexed than he had been in a while, the power of pets never seized to amaze her.

“Ok, what do I need to do to take her home?”

* * *

 

Finally Alan was on his way home, if he had known all the paperwork that needed signing and all the questions that were involved in getting a pet, he wouldn't have bothered. And all the money he had just spend, just for a little ball of fur! First he had to buy a pet carrier so the kitten was save to travel, then the food, toys, a bed for it to sleep in and then Tracy even talked him into donating £100 to the animal shelter. But he kept telling himself, that it was all worth it.

The ride home had been uninventful, the kitten had been quiet, thankfully. It was when he turned the engine off that the kitten started to make its presence known. Meowing really loudly and scratching on the walls of the carrier. How could something so tiny make such a racket? He thought as he hurried into the house.

Tracy had told him to gradually introduce the kitten to its new home, so it would only be allowed in the living room for a few days. He made sure every door was shut before he opened the door of the pet carrier. The kitten shot out of it and ended up hiding under the sofa. Alan decided to leave it alone, it would come out when it was ready.

A few hours later Alan was cooking his dinner when he had the feeling he was being watched. He turned around there was the kitten sitting on the kitchen island watching him.

“Hello, decided it was safe, did you?” It blinked its impressive light brown eyes at him as if agreeing with Alan. “Right let me show you where your dinner is. Come on.” The kitten followed him and as soon as she saw her bowl she pounced on it.

While Alan was having his dinner, steak and chips, the kitten was sitting on the chair next to him. “You still need a name.” Again it blinked its stunning light brown eyes at him. He looked at them again. “You know they're the same colour as bourbon.” When he said that, the kitten meowed. “You like that.” Again it meowed. “Bourbon it is then.” She blinked her eyes again and jumped down from the chair and walked to her basket, which Alan had put next to the sofa. Looks like she feels at home here already, he thought with a smile and finished his dinner.


	11. Chapter 11

After that his life did get into a routine and he felt better because of it, he was much calmer than before.

He was happy about work keeping him very busy. He had been spending more time with Helen, he always chose her when he devided the teams. Annie seemed fine with it, well she hadn't complained so she was probably fine with it. And if she wasn't he wouldn't change it, he wasn't ready to be alone with her yet.

It still hurt everytime he saw her with David. She looked so happy and it killed him that David was the cause of it. On those days the temptation was always there to open a big bottle of whiskey and drown in it, but he had changed. He had developed a system. Usually he would go for a long walk after work to tire himself out and fall into bed completely exhausted. On Thursdays he still went to the football sessions and on weekends to the matches.

Bourbon had also made a huge difference, it was nice to come home to a warm welcome. It took some time for Alan to get used to having someone else in the house. He had to learn not to put anything breakable in the window sills as Bourbon would surely push it off. She had already broken two vases. Also no matter how hard he shut his bedroom door, he would always wake up with Bourbon standing on his chest demanding to be fed. Alan almost had a heart attack the first time he woke up and all he could see was the kittens face. And she always knew when he had a really hard day at work. She would follow him around and keep a close eye on him. Then as soon as he'd sit down on the sofa she would make herself comfortable on his lap and purr. That had a very calming affect on him. Alan had even begun to talk to Bourbon about his cases, yes it was a little weird and he felt rediculous, but she was a good listener.

Tracy had also been a big help. She had started vet school three weeks ago and Alan was seeing a lot of her. Being a student instantly meant you were poor, so usually in the weekends Tracy would come round and do her laundry, eat all of his food and take all the leftovers home with her. He didn't mind though as they were spending more time together. She continued to beat him at Scrabble and he would sometimes help her with her studies.

One weekend she had even talked him into going shopping with him to buy some new suits. He had lost some weight since he started playing football again, so nearly all of his suits had to be taken in at the waist. And he needed new shirts as well. That weekend he spend well over £300, but it didn't matter, all that counted was that he got to spent time with his daughter.

He had also spoken to Brian a few times. Tracy had gotten him onto Skype. Brian was still touring in Scandinavia, they had even been on swedish TV. It was great to be that close to his kids. He had never really bothered before. It also made him feel a little bad, because he had missed out on a lot with them, so he was trying to make it better now.

Ken had also been there for him. They had become very good friends and Alan enjoyed being on the football team. Ken was still the only one at work who knew about his struggle and Alan could rely on him for it to stay that way. And Ken seemed to value Alan's freindship too, as three weeks earlier he had asked Alan to help him pick out an engagement ring for Lydia, his fruit shop owning girlfriend.

* * *

So all in all five months into being sober, his live seemed to finally be on an even keel, but things were about to change...


	12. Chapter 12

That morning he was summoned to the big chief's office. He just had time to say good morning to the team before he took the stairs up to Detective Chief Superintendant Ron McLaughlin's office.

There wasn't much in the office, not one single personal item, just a desk, some chairs and a bigger table for meetings. His boss was sitting at the big table waiting for Alan.

“Good morning Alan, thank you for coming.” He picked up a box from the chair next to him, which Alan hadn't noticed. “It's not good news, I'm afraid.” And from that tone of Ron's voice Alan could tell he was getting a very difficult case.

45 minutes later the Major Crimes Unit were gathered around the three notice boards and waiting for Alan to start the briefing.

“Eight girls. The first one Sarah Jenkinson 14, went missing 6 months ago.” Alan went through all the girls' names, ages, and what time they went missing. “Yesterday at 11:53 am the Kidnap Unit got an anonymous tip of five bodies hidden in an empty warehouse in an industrial estate in Harrogate.” Alan showed them the location of the warehouse. “The killer did not leave any evidence behind. This box,” He pointed. “is all we have.”

He goes through everything in the box, not that there is much to go through, it only takes him about 30 seconds. “Our main focus is on the 3 remaining girls. Find out everything you can about them. Ken, Tariq and Helen comb through every single piece of social media item you can find. Annie and I will do the door to door enquiries.” Everybody nodded and went to work. That's when he realised that would be alone with Annie for the first time in over five months. It was too late to change the orders though, so he would just have to deal with it, they couldn't afford to loose any more time.

* * *

 

Awkward, was the only way to describe it. The ride in the car was tense and Alan kept his mouth shut, afraid to say the wrong thing. Annie didn't say anything either, she kept herself busy with looking at her phone.

They were ok working together, they had just finished interviewing the first set of parents and were now on the way to the second pair.

“What did you think?” Alan asked her as he navigated through traffic.

“Nothing worth remembering.”

She was right. Hayley and Ian Norris barely knew anything about their daughter Emma. They didn't even know the names of her closest friends, they each lived totally seperate lives. Even the neighbours weren't of much help, the Norris' kept to themselves.

20 minutes later they arrived at the next house, an ordinary semi-detached house on a quiet street.

Again there was nothing much to tell, Lily Cochran spend most of her time either being out with her friends or she was on her phone messaging them.

“Don't teenagers talk to their parents anymore?” Alan questioned as they left the house.

“It is a bit weird. You would think that the parents at least know the names of some of the friends. They all seem to prefare social media to real people.”

And that's when it hit him. “What if there's someone on those websites who's only pretending to be their friend? We need to focus on the social media.” With that said they rushed back to the station.

The car ride was awkward again. Before this whole mess with David Hornby he had always enjoyed working with Annie, but now it wasn't the same anymore. He felt he could no longer trust her. Alan misses the friendship they once had and it was all his fault.

* * *

 

Two weeks later they still hadn't had a breaktrough. Alan feared everyday that he would get a call out for three bodies, but it hadn't happened yet. He had barely been home in two weeks only to sleep, shower and feed Bourbon. She was not happy with him.

Social media was still the best lead they had to finding anything, but there was a lot of data to comb through.

On Thursday Alan was getting tired of not finding anything, why hadn't they found anything yet?

Around lunch time Ken suddenly jumped out of his chair and shouted “Yes!” while raising his fists in the air.

“What have you found, Ken?” Alan asked excitingly.

“Alice Winterburn. She is a friend of all the girls' social media profiles. There's nothing personal on Winterburn's profile, so I did a bit of digging. Winterburn logs on from the library everytime-”

“I'm losing the way to live here, Ken. Get to the point.” Alan cut him off.

“I checked the CCTV of the library and this” he turned his computer screen towards them. “is Alice Winterburn.” The CCTV picture showed a middle aged man sitting by the computers.

“Are you sure Ken?” Helen asked.

“Very. It matches the time he logs into the profile and the IP address matches.”

“Who is he?” Alan wanted to know.

“I know him.” Ken said. “Brian Armstrong. He's a registered paedophile, released from prison three years ago and he hasn't been in contact with his parole officer in over a year.” Ken handed Alan the file.

“Good work Ken!” Alan said. “Find out where he lives!”

There was an excitement in the office again. People were talking, phones were ringing and people were running from desk to desk again. Finally something they could connect the dots to.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to point out, that there are two rude words in this chapter!

Finding Armstrong proved to be not as easy as they thought. The man had vanished. He had no bank account, the library card he needed to access the computers was a stolen one and he had no living relatives. If Ken had not known Armstrong already, they never would've been able to identify the man.

The big question though was, how did he stay alive these last three years? He must be getting money from somewhere.

It was Alan who made the connection. “The house.” He mumbled while sitting at the table with all the information they had on Armstrong. “The house his mother lived in.”

“What about it?” Annie asked, she was next to him.

“It's still in the family name.” He handed Annie the papers, sure enough it was still in the Armstrong name. “Annie and I will chek it out. The rest of you keep digging.”

And with that said the hustle and bustle returned once again to the office and Alan and Annie walked to his car.

* * *

 

The house had a for sale sign stuck in one of it's windows, but it looked like no one had been near the house in years. There were a few holes in the windows, probably from rocks that some kids had thrown. Also a few tiles on the roof were missing.

“Do you see that?” Annie said pointing to the smoke coming out of the chimney.

“Yeah. Call for back up.”

After Annie had placed the call they exited the car and closed the doors quietly. As they got closer to the house Alan could see through the curtains, someone was sitting in front of the fireplace.

Slowly and quietly they walked to the back of the house.

The back garden was like a junkyard. There was some old furniture, two fridges, one washing machine and some gardening tools that people usually keep in a shed. There was a narrow path leading to the french doors by the living room.

It really was him, Brian Armstrong. He was sitting in front of the fire heating up a tin of beans. He seemed to be in some kind of trance, he was rocking backwards and forwards while staring into the fire.

Annie tried the door and amazingly it started to slide open. They entered the room silently. Alan signalled for Annie to stand near the hall in case Armstrong would make a run for the front door, Alan remained near the french windows.

“So,” Brain jumped up startled and knocked the beans over “this is where you've been hiding. It's very minimalistic.”

Armstrong looked in the direction of the front door and saw Annie standing there.

“There's no where to go.” She told him.

Brian takes a couple of steps to the left, that's when Alan notices the blood on his arms, it looked fresh. He could see the panic and fear settling into Armstrong's face, all of a sudden Brian rushed to the only available door. Alan ran after him and got to him before he could reach the door.

At the same time the front door was being kicked down, the back up had arrived. 20 or so police officers stormed into the house, two of them pounced on Brian Armstrong and handcuffed him, while the rest searched through the house.

“Lets go see where he was going to run to.”

“No!” Armstrong screamed when he saw where Alan was headed. “They're mine!”

Alan's eyes widened, the girls were down there. He hurried to the door, it led down to the cellar, Annie followed him.

There were two doors. They both took a deep breath and with a shaky hand Alan opened the door on the left.

The room was dark and after checking both sides near the door for a light switch and finding none, Annie used the torch on her phone. “Hello?” Alan said. “This is the police.”

Suddenly there was the sound of deep breathing from the right, Annie followed the sound with her torch. The first thing they saw were two pairs of feet, then Annie shone the light up towards their faces. It was heartbreaking. They were both pale and Alan had never seen so much fear in someones face. Lily Cochran and Maddie Evans both started crying in relief. Alan took Annie's phone, so that she could go to them, knowing that the girls would respond better to a female officer. “It's alright girls, you're safe now.” Annie reassured.

“Where is Emma?” That's when the crying got worse, Maddie Evans shook her head and pointed to the other room. Alan knew they were too late.

He waited until Annie left the cellar with the girls before he reached for the handle of the other door. The first thing that hit him was a strong metalic smell, a smell he knew very well. Blood, fresh blood and lots of it. The room was a bathroom, it was meant to be white, but there were blood spatters everywhere.

The largest spatters were near the bathtub, they were still running down the walls. He steared the torch directly at the tub and there she was. Emma was still dressed in her school uniform, the clothes she went missing in, only they were covered in blood. Armstrong had slit her throat, it was still pouring out of the wound. Emma Norris had been dead less that 30 minutes.

If they had gotten here 30 minutes earlier they could've saved her, but no now he had to tell Ian and Hayley Norris that their little girl was lost for good. “Fuck!” He screamed and slammed his hand against the door.

Alan sprinted up the stairs in a rage. He found Armstrong standing by one of the police cars, still handcuffed.

“You slimy piece of shit!” Alan shouted and practically ran towards Armstrong. Without thinking Alan punched him in the face and heard a satisfying crack when his fist connected with Armstrong's jaw.

Suddenly Alan was being pulled away and Annie was standing between them, her hands outstretched signalling Alan to calm down.

Alan takes a deep breath and relaxes. Annie pulles him to the side and says “Have you lost your bleeding mind!? Do you want him to walk off on a technicality?” She was right of course, beating up the suspect would not look good in court. “Go home, have a drink. I can handle this.”

“You know, that is the best idea I've heard in a while.” And with that Alan left Annie in charge of the crime scene.

* * *

 

Ken arrives at the scene 20 minutes after Alan had left. It was busy. Like at all crime scenes, people everywhere, all doing their jobs. Helen had given him the task of bagging the trophy room. She called it a trophy room, because in the there Armstrong kept all the pictures he took of the girls. The walls were literally covered in them.

Two hours later everything is bagged and boxed up. He just needs to tell the boss what he had found. Ken checks everywhere, finally he asks Annie, who is outside talking to the doctor.

“Where's the boss?”

She pulls Ken away from every one and says “He punched Armstrong after he discovered the body. He went totally crazy, the paramedic said he broke Armstrong's jaw. So I told Alan to leave before he does even more damage.”

“How did he seem?” Ken asked worried.

“He was shaking. I told him to go home and have a drink.”

“You what?”

“I told him to go-” Before she could finish the sentence Ken ran to his car and leaves, hoping that Alan hasn't listened to Annie.


	14. Chapter 14

Ken stops the car right behind Alan's, everything seems normal so far, but Ken was worried, he had the same bad feeling 5 months ago.

Cautiously he goes to the front door and again he finds it to be unlocked. He opens it slowly. “Alan?” he calls.

“MEOW!” Was the loud answer he got in return and Bourbon running towards him clearly unhappy about something. She walked in front of him tail high in the air wanting Ken to follow him.

“Alan?!” He called again.

When Ken entered the living room the bad feeling turned into reality. Alan was snoring drunkingly on the sofa again. The only difference this time, was that he was fully dressed and the empty whiskey bottle was on the coffee table.

“MEOW!” Bourbon was clearly not happy, so he followed her to the food bowl, it was empty. Luckily he had seen Alan feed her a few times so he knew where everything was. As soon as her food touched the bowl she started eating, Ken had to watch out for his fingers. And Bourbon started to purr as a thank you.

Ken watched her for a few minutes and then walked over to the sofa. Alan was still snoring, he would probably sleep through the night. Ken wanted to stay with him though and make sure he'd be fine in the morning. The realisation of a relapse, he knew from experience, was not pleasant. He needed to call Helen and tell her where he was.

“Ken where are you?” She answered on the first ring.

He decided to tell the truth. “I'm at Alan's.”

“He ok? I heard what happened.”

“Not really. He's out cold on the sofa, after drinking a whole bottle of whiskey.”

“Right, he's not going anywhere then.” There was no sympathy in the tone of her voice. “Are you coming back? There's a lot of evidence to process.”

“No, I think I better keep an eye on him.”

“What? No. We need you here.” She said commandingly.

“I'm sorry. I'm staying right here.” He hung up and turned off his phone. Then he got a blanket and covered Alan with it and turned on the TV, hoping to find a late night film.

* * *

 

Ken had set his alarm and at exactly 6 am it woke him up. It was amazing that he fell asleep at all, Alan had not stopped snoring. He was still in the same position Ken had found him in last night, on his back arms outstretched snoring loudly. On his chest though, Bourbon had found a comfortable spot and did not seem bothered by the snoring, in fact she was purring loudly.

He turned on the coffee machine, he chose to make it extra strong, knowing that Alan would need it. Bourbon brushed against his calves ready for her breakfast. After feeding her and again fearing for his fingers, Ken took the mugs over to the coffee table.

“Alan?” Ken shook his shoulder, getting nothing but a grunt in return, but thankfully the snoring stopped.

“Alan?” He said again and shook his shoulder with more force. Alan grunted again and this time he was moving. He tried to twist his body away from Ken's hand. Ken kept on shaking until finally Alan opened his eyes and then turned towards Ken. If he was surprised about Ken being here he didn't show it. Alan tried to sit up, but only got half way when suddenly the stabbing headache did set in, then letting himself gently fall back on the sofa again.

“I made you some coffee.” Ken whispered.

With his right hand he took the mug, only to put it back down again and inhaling sharply in pain. There was a big bruise across his knuckles. He looked up at Ken in question.

“You don't remember?”

“No, who did I punch?” Alan asked in a voice that sounded like his mouth was filled with sandpaper.

“You punched Brian Armstrong, our suspect, just after you found Emma Norris' body.”

Alan's eyes widened he remembered everything. He had driven like a mad man to the first Off Licence he could find, bought the biggest bottle of whiskey, raced home and started drinking while he was still in the car. He hadn't paid any attention to Bourbon, normally he always greeted her by stroking her behind the ears. But no yesterday he just cared about one thing, he wanted to forget everything that had happened and he wanted to forget fast. It only took him 20 minutes to empty that bottle.

Now though he just felt terrible. He hung his head in shame, he had known drinking that bottle was only a short time solution. Everything he had worked so hard for in the last 5 and a half months, just gone in 20 minutes. What had he done?

Ken put a comforting hand on Alan's shoulder. “It's ok. A relapse is completely normal and will happen when you feel overwhelmed, stressed or out of control in certain situations.”

Alan nods and takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. At that moment Bourbon jumped up on the sofa and snuggled onto Alan's lap, nudging his hand forcing him to stroke her. It was as if Bourbon knew what he needed most right now.

“I just feel so ashamed.” He mumbled.

“I understand, but at least you came home to drink.” Ken took a seat on the sofa. “The last time I got drunk, 4 years 8 months and 16 days ago, I was in a pub. I was still working for the paedophile unit and we had just closed the unicorn case, the toughest and largest case we've ever had, so we went to the pub to celebrate. All the stress and adrenaline, I just couldn't control myself. Of course it had to end even worse, my boss turned up at the pub. He knew about my history with alcohol, so he tried to get me home. Long story short, I punched him right there in the pub in front of nearly the whole unit. Two days later I was transffered to the major crimes unit. So as you can see, you could've done a lot worse.”

Alan nodded, amazed that Ken had dug himself out of that massive hole he no doubtedly fell into and turned his life around. It made him feel better too. He had also come to the realisation that alcohol would always be his first solution to any kind of problem, something he would have to fight against everytime.

Alan's landline phone ringing brought him out of his thoughts, he walked to the phone on slightly shaky legs.

“Hello?” He grunted.

“Good morning boss!” Helen greeted in a way to cheerful voice. “Are you sober enough to some to work? We need you.”

“Yeah.” He grunts again and hangs up. “What did you tell Helen? She wanted to know if I was sober enough.” He asked Ken worried.

“Just that you were drunk, not that you had been sober for over 5 months.” Alan sighed in relieve.

* * *

 

At nine they're back at work. Helen made a bit of a fuss about, that they had been two men short at the crime scene, but other than that no one seemed to be bothered.

The punch might be used against them in Armstrong's trial, but they had enough evidence against him, so it shouldn't matter too much.

Alan didn't do much work that day, just signed what he needed to and then went home early, glad to put it all behind him.


	15. Chapter 15

In the next four weeks that followed everything surely but slowly got back to normal for Alan, he reestablished his routine. He told Tracy about his slip up and she was very understanding. Apparently she had done some research and a relapse was completely normal. She was glad that he trusted her enough to tell her about it.

One thing he had noticed though. About a week ago he observed that Annie's wedding picture had disappeared, in fact all the pictures with David in them were gone. Just the pictures of Isla remained on her desk. She had also changed, she was very quiet and kept to herself. She basically just got her work done and then went home. Alan had also spotted the dark circles under her beautiful eyes, clearly she hadn't had a good nights sleep in a while.

Something must've happened. Maybe she had a fight with David? But was that a good enough reason to get rid of the pictures. No, something else must have happened. Alan was concerned.

* * *

 

At ten o'clock that Thursday morning there was a knock on his office door, stopping him from signing a case file.

“Come in.”

It was Annie. Today she was dressed in her black skinny jeans with a cobalt blue blouse, she looked stunning, as always. The bags under her eyes were still there and her eyes looked a bit red, as if she had been crying.

“Are you busy?”

“No, of course not. Just paperwork. What can I do for you?”

“I need tomorrow off.”

“Ok, yeah sure. Is everything alright?” He asked.

Annie looked uncomfortably to the ground and she had to take a deep breath before she answered. “Yes, I just have an urgent appointment I can't miss.”

Alan knew she was lying, but he didn't want to push her. “Ok. I get someone to cover for you.”

“Thank you” She tried to smile, but it looked fake.

She turned and hurried out of his office, just before she pushed the handle Alan said. “I'm here if you want to talk, Annie.”

She stopped for a second as if she wanted to turn round, but then she just nodded and left. Alan was really nervous now.

* * *

 

That evening Alan and Ken were at football training.

“Do you know what Annie is doing tomorrow? She asked for time off.” He asked Ken as they were stretching their legs before the warm up started.

“Erm no, she didn't say anything to me.” Ken was lying. Alan could always tell, so he knew something. Just as Alan was about to ask another question they were told to go to their positions, Ken looked relieved to get away from Alan.

90 minutes later the training ended and both of them were headed for the changing room. After they had showered Alan tried again to get more information.

“Have you noticed, she's removed her wedding picture?” Ken stopped what he was doing for a split second, that was enough of a sign for Alan. It had something to do with David. “So you do know.”

With a sigh Ken turns towards him and says. “Yes, there is something going on with her and David, but I can't tell you.”

“Oh come on, I'm the boss I should know.” He tried.

“No, I'm sorry. I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone and I don't want to betray her trust.”

Alan nodded, knowing that Ken would not betray Annie. Alan would just have to wait until she told him. That didn't stop him from coming up with possible ideas. Had she left? And what did she need the day off for?


	16. Chapter 16

The following Monday morning Annie returns to work. The bags under her eyes had grown and her shoulders were slumped as if she carried the weight of the whole world on them. Her blouse was very crinkled as if she had worn it the entire weekend. And even her make up could not conceal that she had a rough few days. The thing that caused the most speculations and a few whispers though, was that she was no longer wearing her wedding ring.

* * *

 

At lunch time Alan decided to go for a walk. The sun was shining for the first time in two weeks and he wanted to take advantage of it before the weather Gods changed their minds.

He walked to the pub he knew did take away sandwiches. After buying an egg and mayo sandwich, a packet of salt and vinegar crisps and a bottle of water he walked to a close by park, where he hoped to find an empty bench.

The walk only took him 12 minutes, but as he suspected there were a lot of people like him who were taking advantage of the sunshine.

As he got closer to a bench with only one occupant he stopped. It was Annie, she was alone with an empty sandwich packet next to her. She was just sitting there staring into space. When she spots Alan heading towards her she hurriedly wipes her cheeks and puts her calm and collected face back on. Oh no, he thought, she had been crying. Annie never cries, he was tempted to just leave her alone, but he knew he could never forgive himself if he did leave.

“It's been so long, I forgot what the sun feels like.” He said jokingly as he sat next to her on the bench. Annie doesn't say anything just smiles and goes back to staring. “So did you have a nice weekend?” He asks before taking a bite out of his sandwich, a small bit of mayo landed on his blue and white striped tie. “Shit” Of course he hadn't bothered with a napkin when he bought his lunch.

Just as he was about to wipe the mayo away with his finger Annie handed him her napkin. He took it gratefully.

“I spend the whole weekend with Isla.” She says in a very soft and gentle voice.

“Oh, did David have to work all weekend?” He was trying to keep his tone casual, even though he wanted to interrogate her about what the matter was. “Is he preparing for a case?”

She chuckled sarcastically “Oh yeah, a very big case. How to get away with having an affair with his secretary.”

“What?” Alan drops the sandwich, some mayo landed on his trousers, but he didn't care. He couldn't believe it, David was having an affair!

“I followed him Friday, where he met with her in a hotel.”

“What?” He says again. “But why? I don't understand...”

“I don't know, I have been asking myself that question since Friday. You were right, he is a piece of shit.” Her voice cracked, she had been trying to hold it together on front of him, but a soft little whimper escaped her.

Alan slowly reached out and took her hand, she relaxed a little and took a deep breath before telling him everything.

She had started to suspect something was going on about a month ago, when he started to work longer, or meetings with clients were being held over the weekend and suddenly David had all those business trips to go on. The final straw happened about two weeks ago, when she was doing the laundry and nearly all of David's clothes smelled of some other woman's perfume. That was when she knew for sure.

“Then about a week ago he left his phone at home, there were only text messages from one number, I had Ken trace it.” That's how Ken got involved. “So, imagine my surprise when it turned out to be his secretary's number, it's such a cliché, isn't it? Shagging the secretary.”

So then on Friday she had followed David to a hotel, he had waited in his car until a red Mini pulled in beside him. “And that's when this happened.” She handed Alan her phone. She taken a picture of David passionately kissing a very young woman, who was wearing a very short skirt that barely covered anything. Alan could feel his anger rising, how dare he do this to his Annie. “I printed the picture and put it together with my wedding ring into an envelope and left it for him on the mantelpiece. Then I took all mine and Isla's stuff and left. We are currently back at mum's until I find something affordable to live.”

“Why did you not come to me? I could've helped. I want to help.”

He finally turned towards her and that's when she can't stop the tears anymore. Alan wants to wipe them away, but he feels that would be inappropriate, so instead he settles for taking her hand again. He could see some of the stress had disappeared from her face, at least she was feeling a little better.

“Has he tried to get in touch with you?”

“Oh yeah. He's been ringing and texting, but I'm not ready yet to face him.”

He knew how she felt, more than Annie could possibly imagine. When Sandra had left him it had taken him over a month to pluck up enough courage to call her.

They sat on the bench for a further 45 minutes. Annie poured her heart out. How could she not have seen it sooner? How long has David been shagging the secretary? Had their whole marriage just been a scam? Alan sat and listened to her, letting her get everything off his chest.

Together they walk back to the station. Annie stopped in front of the door by the ladies toilets. “Thank you for listening, I feel a lot better.”

“You can always come to me, I hope you know that?” He told her sincerely.

“Yes. Thank you. I'm going to wash my face.” She entered the toilets and left Alan to digest everything. He still couldn't believe it.


	17. Chapter 17

Alan didn't sleep much that night, he had texted Annie a few times, he had even jokingly suggested he could beat David up if she wanted. That got him a smiley face in return and he knew she was going to be ok. He would keep an eye on her though.

The next day Annie arrived at work with Isla on her right hip and three bags hanging from her left shoulder. Ken jumped up to help her.

“What's going on, Annie?” Alan asked as he watched Isla getting busy with one of the bags, which contained toys.

“It's only for a few hours.” She assured him. “Mum's and the WI and then she has a doctors appointment. It's only 'til lunch time I promise.”

Alan took her to the side. “Isn't she normally in nursery?”

“Yes, but David could come and take her. I'm looking for a new nursery, but until then I have to rely on mum.”

“It's fine. Hopefully we won't get a call out.” Alan went back to his office, there was a lot of paperwork to be done.

Isla was having the time of her life. The office was like a big playground for her. There were interesting items everywhere, some how she had gotten her hands on to a box of paperclips. Of course Annie noticed too late and Isla spread them all over herself and the floor. “Isla Rose Cabbot, what am I going to with you?” All she got in return was a giggle and Isla offered her one of the paperclips.

At 10 it was time for Isla's snack. She always had yogurt, if she didn't have it exactly 10 o'clock Annie knew from experience that Isla would be very grumpy for the rest of the day. As she was feeding Isla her favourite banana yogurt the phone was ringing. While her mother had her back turned Isla took her chance. She scooted down from the chair, leaving a yogurt stain as a little parting gift on the chair, and headed for Alan's office, she hadn't been in there yet. Isla looked back at her mum, she was still on the phone, with a smile she opened Alan's door.

Alan was signing a witness statement when the door opened and Isla entered, her face covered in yogurt.

“Hello Isla. Did you escape?”

“Ya, mummy phone.” She looked around, seeing if anything looked interesting and if she could get her fingers on it.

“See anything you like?” Alan asked.

She pointed at the CD player in the corner. “M'sic?”

“That's right.” He got up and picked up the Miles Davies CD. And a few seconds later the sounds of trumpets filled the office.

“M'sic” She said again and smiled, she had her mother's smile. Then Isla started to swing her hips from side to side, moving in time with the music. Alan couldn't help himself and laughed loudly, making every one stop working and turn towards his office, they had never heard their boss laugh like that.

Annie had just finished her phone call when she heard Alan laugh, suspecting Isla being the cause of it, she stood up and looked into his office.

“Oh that's adorable.” Ken said when he too stood up to see what was going on.

“She started to dance to music two weeks ago, she is getting better. You should've seen her two weeks ago, I thought she was having some kind of fit.” Annie said as she watched her daughter charm her way into Alan's heart.

When she song ended and a second one started Annie thought it would be better to move Isla onto something else and let Alan get back to work.

“Isla, I told you stay with mummy.” Annie said sternly.

Her daughter knew she was in trouble. She turned to Alan and said “Uh-oh” Again Alan laughed.

“Sorry. I hope she didn't bother you?” Annie apologised to Alan.

“No no, she's fine. She has a great sense of humour.”

Annie smiled and led her daughter out of Alan's office and back to her toys.

At lunch time just as Annie promised her mum was ready to take Isla off her hands.

“You know, normally Isla is very shy around strangers, but she seems very comfortable around you.” Annie comments as Alan helped Annie packed all of Isla's stuff in her car.

“Maybe she remembers me from before.” Instantly Alan regrets saying that, knowing that it could open a potential mine field. He needs to get away from her, before he says other stuff that he will regret. “Anyway, I'll see you later.”

“Fancy going to the pub later? My treat.” Annie asked just before he could get very far.

“I'm sorry, I can't.” He walks away so Annie couldn't ask anymore questions. Of course he wanted to go to the pub with Annie, but he knew he wasn't ready to face Annie in a place where alcohol was on display.

* * *

 

The next day at lunch time the sun was once again shining so Alan went to the park again. Annie was there too, on the same bench with a sandwich. She smiled when she saw him and patted the space next to her, wanting him to join her.

“No egg and mayo today?” She asked when she noticed his ham and cheese sandwich.

“No, I learned my lesson.” Annie chuckled.

They ate their sandwiches in comfortable silence. It was a gorgeous day, quite warm. Alan hadn't bothered with his jacket today and Annie was wearing her sunglasses. Days like these were very rare in spring time in Yorkshire.

“So, how are you doing today?” He asks gently.

“I looked at a flat yesterday it was perfect, but of course I can't afford it. And David has been calling every hour, I don't know how much longer I can ignore him. But yeah, other than that I'm fine.”

“Well you'd have to talk to him eventually. I would do it now, while you're still angry.”

“Yeah, you're probably right.” She agrees. “I'm going to need to have a drink though before I do, do you want to join me?”

“I'm sorry, but I'm busy tonight.” Again he has to tell her no and is ready to make a break for it. “I'll see you at the office.”

He stands up and is just about to walk away when Annie suddenly grabs his arm. “That's a lie, isn't it? You're not busy tonight.”

“Sorry” He whispers and tries again to get away.

“Have I done something wrong?”

This makes him stop and he turns around to face her. “No, we're fine.” He says slowly. “I just don't want to go to the pub.”

“Ok. How about we open a bottle of wine at your place then?”

Alan could feel this was going to get out of control if he lied again. If he told her the truth though, that her engagement and marriage to David made him start a bottle a day habit, there was no going back after that. Was he really ready for that?

Then again this was his chance to tell Annie, maybe this could kind of mend their friendship a bit. He knew though, that he would put an even bigger burden her, and he didn't want that, she was going through enough at the moment.

“What time shall I come over?” She had taken his silence as a yes.

_Oh, to hell with it_ , he thought. “I'm sorry, I can't have a drink with you, because I've given up alcohol.”

“Why?” He could tell Annie was shocked.

“Because it got out of control six months ago. If Ken hadn't turned and found me, I'd probably still have a bottle of whiskey every day. He had helped me to turn the corner. I would like nothing more than share a bottle of wine with you, but I'm afraid I won't be able to say no to a second glass.” By the end of it he could feel the tears gathering in his eyes and he wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again.

“I don't understand. You've always been able to control your alcohol consumption. So what happened six months ago that made you loose control?”

Alan was staggered, how can she not know? He let the tears fall and in a voice filled with emotion he said “Because I lost you to David.”

He gets up and leaves a stunned Annie sitting on the bench.


End file.
